Ousource yourself.

Written by Joshua Grenzsund

Economy says: “Outlook not so good, seek something overseas.” Thursday, 03 April 2008

It’s a wide world of work out there. In an employment environment where people are lamenting the loss of jobs outsourced overseas, the best move may be to get ahead of the curve and outsource yourself. If you’re planning on graduating from college — which, chances are, if you’re in school that is part of your plan — then you’ll have to face the eventual question of what you’ll do next. Despite repeated reassurances that our country is not heading into a recession — or even worse, a depression-scale economic meltdown — even President Bush has admitted that our “economy obviously is going through a tough time." And Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson had to commit about $30 billion to “maintain the stability of our financial system” through this “tough time.” In light of this situation, you may be experiencing a sinking sensation, in which case you should seriously consider folding your degree into a life raft and making for elsewhere. This can be done in two main fashions. Either you can keep close ties with Uncle Sam and work for the US Government in some other country, or you can choose to cut the cord with the Uncle and become a bonafide free-market ex-patriot. For those of you who can’t make up your mind, there’s always the Peace Corps, which gives you the feel-good satisfaction of living at the host country’s poverty level and feeling completely detached from the US while also providing you with the opportunity to partake in the bureaucratic circus and possibly take advantage of government-provided mental health care at the end of your service. The Peace Corps is actually celebrating its 47th year, after more than 190,000 volunteers have answered John F. Kennedy’s 1960 call to University of Michigan students to “make the greatest possible difference” in the world. Though the origin and mystique of the organization may sound like the epitome of strange bed fellows — humanitarian endeavor and aggressive patriotism — many returning volunteers actually report that it has a lot more to do with sex, drinking, drugs and crapping in your pants than with lofty ideals and accomplishments. A Peace Corps volunteer in Honduras summed up this universal Peace Corps experience in a message posted on the Peace Corps’ forum. He writes, “Well, I am officially a Peace Corps volunteer as I swore in on August 25 (and officially shit my pants on September 13).” And he doesn’t mean that he was metaphorically scared or surprised about something. He pooped in his pants. Ask a returned volunteer about his or her official moment. Of course, a lot of you will want to work overseas in a situation in which you are not likely to have semi-chunky diarrhea inconveniently running out of your ass. Cross the Peace Corps off your list, bone up on your language skills, and try to avoid working for the government all together. Teaching English and nursing are two hot areas to get you abroad. In the case of teaching, you will need to plan to get certified to teach English as a foreign language (TEFL) and in many cases also get ready to live where two-ply toilet paper may be in short supply, though it is possible to land a gig in France and other countries that may seem closer to home. For you nursing students who want to change the world, you’re in luck. Pretty much anywhere you can speak a local language and stab someone with a needle, you can get yourself a position. And you business and information technology folks may want to forget global investment firms like Bear Stearns join the rest of us who want to get out in the world in a first rate manner with salary and full benefits. To do this, just follow the money — $340 million a day doesn’t just disappear into our war efforts, it shows up in the pockets of workers who have followed the trend overseas. There’s an opportunity for just about anyone. If you can dream up a skill set or a job description, Halliburton is waiting for your resume, with 277 job openings in over 50 countries. And if contractor’s pay is what you want, there’s well over 200 organizations that have federal contracts to do everything from delivering jet fuel to managing computer networks to shooting at security threats, all overseas. For some of you, however, the only worthwhile place to combine your patriotism, salary requirements and appetite for adventure is literally on the front lines — accepting the paradox that there is little that resembles a front line of conflict any more — and again the US Government has no shortage of opportunities for you to turn your degree into an overseas career. You could enlist in the Army or Marines and spend the rest of your life overseas, working up from where your BA would start you at $21,006 a year. Or if you would rather develop your diplomatic skills more than your trigger finger, the State Department could have you participating in foreign affairs for around $40,000 a year to start. On the other hand, if you would like to put your communication and persuasion skills to use in a field that actually requires you to carry a handgun and will politely allow you to interview people with a bucket of water and the back of your hand, the CIA is always taking applications, bonus if you already speak a foreign language and know how to manipulate ambiguous situations. Pack extra briefs, though, because I also hear you’re not a real intelligence officer until you crap your pants in a third world country. So there’s something for everyone out there — though most of it involves compromised hygiene — and if things ever look up back here, you can paddle on home and find work at a Starbucks.